Although you don't mention it here, I can't help but think of your family's recent bereavement, and of other young people I have known who didn't make it to adulthood. I remember being so glad to learn, at the memorial service of a friend who died suddenly in her early 20s, that she had often "bunked off" lessons she found boring at school - so glad that she had been bold enough to steal back at least a few hours of her much-too-short time from the system that wasted so much of it and required her to put up with boredom in the name of preparing for a future she didn't get. I think life is a good enough reason to make childhood more about the present than the future, but death really drives the point home.
I definitely think about that here, so so much. Last year when I wrote my post about unschooling Wren through college, I wrote a lot about how I let the morbid question of not knowing how much time we had together let me lean into my intuition of what I wanted our educational path to look like. It's interesting to me now reading that back because I talk a lot about how such thought processes are considered "pathological" or "anxious" and now more than ever I realize them as a simple truth we probably would all do well to feel into more than we do. (Obviously there is a difference between being able to feel our way through those questions and get consumed by them, but I would say few are even attempting the former because of fear of the latter or what to do so would "mean" about their mental health.)
This is one of those revelations that once said can't ever be forgotten. That future orientation of parenting is dehumanizing, that it turns children from ends into means, I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee it.
It would be so amazing for you to present along these lines at a future Brooklyn Ethical platform when you feel like having a new loving audience for your brilliance.
Trusting yourself and your children is revolutionary! So true! Thank you for sharing your talent of so eloquently putting into words what so many of us feel in our hearts. It is a privilege to care for these young humans.
Using “what am I afraid of”, starting immediately! So, so helpful. Thinking back to my evening of parenting and can point to several times when I could have paused to ask this. Thank you!
Something I thought of while reading, particularly as it relates to corporal punishment and authoritative parenting, is the Puritan/protestant legacy it traces from. Not decoupled from the other levers you mention — capitalism, patriarchy, etc but I think there’s a fairly direct line from Puritanical colonialism at America’s founding and many of these beliefs and practices (based on my experience and not anything super scientific!).
Oh yes, I definitely think there are religious undercurrents here, predating the US and into US puritan culture. I wasn't intending this as a super thorough investigation of all the forces but more a "taste" of it all -- I would love to dive in deeper at another time. :)
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time. I can truly relate to it. I have two sons, 18 and 20 now, and I understand the societal pressure to adopt a futuristic approach that overlooks the beauty and essence of being present. It’s easy to get caught up in the future and forget to enjoy and embrace the present moment. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.
Although you don't mention it here, I can't help but think of your family's recent bereavement, and of other young people I have known who didn't make it to adulthood. I remember being so glad to learn, at the memorial service of a friend who died suddenly in her early 20s, that she had often "bunked off" lessons she found boring at school - so glad that she had been bold enough to steal back at least a few hours of her much-too-short time from the system that wasted so much of it and required her to put up with boredom in the name of preparing for a future she didn't get. I think life is a good enough reason to make childhood more about the present than the future, but death really drives the point home.
And thank you for sharing your story.
I definitely think about that here, so so much. Last year when I wrote my post about unschooling Wren through college, I wrote a lot about how I let the morbid question of not knowing how much time we had together let me lean into my intuition of what I wanted our educational path to look like. It's interesting to me now reading that back because I talk a lot about how such thought processes are considered "pathological" or "anxious" and now more than ever I realize them as a simple truth we probably would all do well to feel into more than we do. (Obviously there is a difference between being able to feel our way through those questions and get consumed by them, but I would say few are even attempting the former because of fear of the latter or what to do so would "mean" about their mental health.)
This is one of those revelations that once said can't ever be forgotten. That future orientation of parenting is dehumanizing, that it turns children from ends into means, I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee it.
It would be so amazing for you to present along these lines at a future Brooklyn Ethical platform when you feel like having a new loving audience for your brilliance.
Awwwww thank you Bill!!! Appreciate your thoughts.
Trusting yourself and your children is revolutionary! So true! Thank you for sharing your talent of so eloquently putting into words what so many of us feel in our hearts. It is a privilege to care for these young humans.
I am so glad it resonated with you!!
Using “what am I afraid of”, starting immediately! So, so helpful. Thinking back to my evening of parenting and can point to several times when I could have paused to ask this. Thank you!
It's a good one to pause and ask!
Gorgeous, as always
Thank you Carla.
On point as always, Robina!
Something I thought of while reading, particularly as it relates to corporal punishment and authoritative parenting, is the Puritan/protestant legacy it traces from. Not decoupled from the other levers you mention — capitalism, patriarchy, etc but I think there’s a fairly direct line from Puritanical colonialism at America’s founding and many of these beliefs and practices (based on my experience and not anything super scientific!).
Oh yes, I definitely think there are religious undercurrents here, predating the US and into US puritan culture. I wasn't intending this as a super thorough investigation of all the forces but more a "taste" of it all -- I would love to dive in deeper at another time. :)
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time. I can truly relate to it. I have two sons, 18 and 20 now, and I understand the societal pressure to adopt a futuristic approach that overlooks the beauty and essence of being present. It’s easy to get caught up in the future and forget to enjoy and embrace the present moment. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.
This is so profound and resonated with this new mom so much ❤️ Grateful to have found your work
I am so glad to hear this!
This is such a wise and helpful perspective. Thank you for writing it!
I'm so glad you found it helpful!!!